Sometimes We Take This ‘Feminism’ Thing Too Far

To the point that it might get in the way of our happiness

feminist

I personally don’t enjoy talking about this feminism topic, particularly with other females, because somehow, the conversation always ends up being unpleasant. Maybe it’s because I don’t fully understand the concept, or because my views aren’t exactly aligned with the “feminism” I see and hear about these days (I guess I’m still a bit traditional). Anyways, whenever I express how I feel about the issue, especially in the context of relationships/marriage, I’m somehow always wrong. I will often get attacked, sometimes even insulted, so I just prefer not to voice my opinion.

I actually remember a time I got insulted and subbed on Twitter for my “feminist” views. My mom even got dragged into it! It was a couple years ago, when a friend posted some sort of feminism banter on Facebook that started a long comment thread. Most, if not all, of the people commenting were on the same page, in the sense that they had very similar views to that of Aunty Chimamanda, which, by the way, I think are a bit extreme (and by a bit, I mean A LOT!)

I can’t even remember what exactly the discussion was about, but I was saying something along the lines of: I don’t exactly think that the gender roles in marriage need to be completely dismantled, and that I wouldn’t mind my husband being the head of my home, you know, referencing the Bible and all. And then someone said I am a disgrace to my mother and the entire female gender. Another time, it actually caused serious tension between me and one of my really close friends. So these days, I generally just keep my opinions to myself.

But I just had to react to Chimamanda’s recent interview with Dutch newspaper, de Volkskrant, where she stated that Beyoncé’s feminism is not her type of feminism because “it is the kind that, at the same time, gives quite a lot of space to the necessity of men. I think men are lovely, but I don’t think that women should relate everything they do to men… We women should spend about 20 per cent of our time on men, because it’s fun, but otherwise we should also be talking about our own stuff.”

(If you already feel some typa way, that’s fine, and you can stop reading at this point. But if you’re curious to know why I think differently, then please be my guest).

I think Chimamanda is an amazing author, and I love that she uses her position and platform to talk about serious issues such as feminism, black hair, etc. But sometimes, I feel like she takes it too far. The other day, she was giving a talk at an American university (which one of my friends was attending at the time), and she basically spoke against taking a man’s last name after marriage. And now, it’s women should spend 20% of our time on men because it’s fun? Really?

So what about the woman who really, truly wants a happy and perfect relationship/marriage? What happens to others like myself, who aspire to get married and have a family? Because whenever I hear Chimamanda talk feminism, or have this conversation with other women who share similar views, it always seems as though aspiring to marriage, as a woman, is a crime. Seriously though, what if you are like me, and you think love is a beautiful thing, so you hope to meet an amazing guy that would literally make you feel like a queen, and are determined to make that happen? Do I still qualify as a feminist? Because it seems not, at least not in many peoples’ eyes, including Chimamanda’s.

The other day, I was actually telling a friend that I don’t really understand the whole not-taking-your- husband’s-last name thing, because in my head I don’t see how that, for instance, bridges the wage gap between men and women, or how it helps the little girl in Saudi Arabia go to school. And she was like: “yeah well, if I take his last name, then he should take mine too”. Really though? So… both of you just switch last names then?

Obviously, I understand that for brand reasons, especially in the case of really successful and famous women, changing names might be difficult. And that’s probably the case for Chimamanda, which might be why she feels that way about it, but preaching it as if it is the “right” thing to do, and anything else is just unacceptable, is what I have a problem with it. And more so because of her (more than well-deserved) position and influence, which for a lot of people, put her in a position to dictate or validate their life choices.

And don’t get me wrong. I am all for equal pay, education, employment, opportunity, and all that good stuff, for women. I just think that today’s feminism has taken a turn I’m not really sure about. I mean, you’ve probably heard of Amber Rose’s “slut walk” campaign, or the “free the nipple” movement, where some women basically walk about topless/naked in the name of feminism and protest.

I just think that sometimes we take this feminism thing too far, to the point that it might get in the way of our happiness. Yes, I believe that a man can make a woman happy, make her feel complete or fulfilled (and vice versa), and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Plus, what happens after I have become so successful, powerful and rich, and I go home and there is no one to share all that with? OR Yay! I am this really successful woman with all these great things going for me career wise/in general, but my love life is suffering because I am spending only 20% of my time thinking about men… because it is fun.

I am not here to tell any woman to idolize men, or even to aspire to marriage or whatever, NO. Because believe it or not, I am a firm believer of to each his own. In fact, fellow women, please go to school o! Dream big, work hard, be successful, and build yourself up. Everyone should, guys and girls alike. I just think that while feminism is a great and noble cause, there should be accommodations for feminist women who aspire to marriage—or at least those of us who would like to dedicate more than twenty percent of our time to the special men in our lives—without feeling not-feminist-enough, or worse, getting talked down or insulted.

I know that men (especially some of my Nigerian brothers), have shown us pepper, and conceivably, this is where some of these feelings emanate, but perhaps a better solution might be: finding, grooming, and advocating for better, respecting, and well-deserving men, who will make our time and effort worth it.

Let us also not forget that each of us is different, and our priorities in life are not the same. Some people don’t even want to get married.

So… once again, to each her own 🙂

Written by Lota Ofodile

Lota is an interesting, fun-loving young lady, who takes life as it comes, and believes that love is the greatest gift of all. She is somewhat of a Nollywood enthusiast and particularly enjoys reading, writing, and talking about topics concerning love, relationships, family and marriage. She also really enjoys Nigerian music. She blogs at Lota Relates.

Watch her vlogs here.

41 Comments

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  1. Growing up, the main topic then was gender equality but now feminism which I think is worse than gender equality. I’ve read several articles on feminism but they make me feel deeply sad, I think it’s a ploy to destroy the future generation, to put and end to the term ‘family’.
    We learnt that fathers are the head of the house and mothers are the owners. But with feminism, mothers and fathers are the head. Can there two heads in one body?
    This is the first article I’m reading that really made sense. Someone just woke up one day and planned to pollute the whole world with her believes and our dear world earnestly embracing it. So much fear for the future.

    I’m glad to know we still have ladies willing to build a home and make a happy family, feminism is evil and unGodly; a word centred around ‘self’ not putting into consideration the whole essence of what a family should be- The best word I can put together to construe feminism.

    Cheers to you and to all ladies like you!

  2. This is such an incredible oversimplification of issues, I dont even know where to start. One person – Chimamanda or Amber Rose or whoever – is not the representation of feminism. And btw, why did’t you talk about Sheryl Sandberg? Feminism is about being free to choose – your surname, your career, whatever. Why does a happy marriage have to come only with traditional roles and responsibilities? I changed my last name but if one chooses not to does that mean they wont be happy in marriage? Don’t use surface symbolism to try ride over what is a much deeper argument over the role of a woman as a whole in society and family and the choices she gets to make about her own life. Your position of privilege and comfort doesn’t allow you to see the greater struggle for respect and FREEDOM that feminism represents. This head of the home argument is totally irrelevant if both parties really respected each others right to be who they are. Even in the bible, God created Eve because he couldn’t find a creature comparable to him to help him in the garden – not because he was hungry and needed a cook or needed someone to “head” is in home. The idea that a woman changing her surname and other such surface issues is what leads to happiness in marriage is an insult to marriage itself. “I know that men have shown us pepper” – what a line. Why not talk about living in a society that encourages women to give up their dreams and not use their skills so that a man appears to be the “Head of a household” and how that deprives the children of that marriage of income progression in the future? (Look at statistics!!!) This argument is the middle/upper class Nigerian woman’s equivalent of white privilege #simplification #thinkdeepthoughts

  3. “Do I still qualify as a feminist? Because it seems not, at least not in many peoples’ eyes, including Chimamanda’s.”

    I’m not quite sure how you came to your above answer especially since you quoted Chiamanda saying the following “Beyoncé’s feminism is not her type of feminism because “it is the kind that, at the same time…”

    Her statement suggests that feminism can be defined differently for everyone. Your feminism is different from Chiamanda’s , from Beyoncé’s and from mine. At the core of feminism is for women to be treated equally, and with equality comes the ability to freely make decisions that’s is in your best interest and for that decision to be respected.

  4. Its a great piece and straight from the heart at that! I totally agree with u in this regard….it seems as though aspiring for marriage is a crime and focusing on ur self should be the answer… Nyc write up..

  5. You said you don’t totally get it but then you contradict yourself with the title of and I paraphrase, feminism thing too far? There’s just too much to critique here so I’ll keep it short. It’s simple, equality to the sexes, in law, in pay and everything else in between.

  6. I like you Lota, like you said, she is taking it too far. Even Linda Ikeji is looking for husband despite her plenty money. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie will soon follow suit. There is something a man can offer which a woman can not give herself, apologies to my Lesbian friends.

  7. I am so glad to have come across this article. You reflect my thoughts exactly. I recently had an argument with a friend about Chimamanda’s statement that ” Marriage is not an achievement”. I told her that disagree completely because as to whether marriage is an achievement or not is relative to the individual. What satisfies me personally might not satisfy another.

    Chimamanda can be a great influence to women and young girls but I believe She is taking this too far and should be careful not to wrongly influence young women.

  8. This piece blew my mind. The brave honesty (sad isn’t it that bravery has to be used to describe honesty) and simplicity are refreshing. I am a firm believer and lover of women. I was raised by one of those amazing women who literally had it all- career and family. I am acutely aware of the sacrifices she made that were not sacrifices to her- they were simply decisions she made because she knew her priorities . I am a firm believer in equal pay, girls rights and all that- which for me is simply being humane and fair. I do not like the idea of women acting like, looking like or aspiring to male weaknesses and stupidity (sleeping around, disgraceful behavior, ego-tripping). I believe being a woman is the most beautiful thing in the world and being feminine is not the same thing as being a feminist. We are all humans- but different. If feminists (the taking it too far kind) could, they would ask men to have children too…(“lets share the load matey”). Being the head of my home (when I am blessed with one) isnt an ego thing. I agree with you on gender roles- they are roles…just roles to enable us function as a balanced family. I didnt ask for it, I will not shrug it off or complain. I will try to understand what it means and do it to the best of my ability. It doesn’t make me more…or anyone less. The President/Queen is no more or less than the prime minister. I am Christian and strongly believe I should live by the bible…not shrug it off or try to twist it to suit me. Others can do as they want. I stand with the Word. Feminist, masculinist, humanist…whatever. I believe in each giving each other 100%…not 20%. I give you my 100%, keep it safe. treasure it….and I will do the same for you. Thank you. Thank you for your post. I am George Chiagozie Akomas and I stand with you.

  9. I see your point.

    For me Ms Adichie epitomises all that I feel is wrong with many Nigerians who tag themselves feminists: they are all barking up the wrong tree,missing the point.They should be against misogyny,not patriarchy. As my aunt once said,misogyny is the enemy of feminism,not patriarchy.

  10. I don’t mistake you with a treacherous wowan at all because listening to you, I realize that you are a responsible kind who wants what is right for her and her mates. However, the problem with this issue here is the scope of meaning or simply put, “definition” of the concept “feminism”. This, believe me, boils down to the foundation of the concept/ideology and by extension, the personalities that founded it. Initially, looking at the popular principles of the feminist movement, one would see them as rational, fair and balanced, and even being backed somewhat by certain instances of Scripture (remember the daughters of Zelophehad in the book of Exodus). Unfortunately, when you look more closely at the orchestrations working behind the scenes and the character of persons engineering or endorsing them, then you begin to see the truth that it’s the case of the biblical warning in Ap.Paul’s epistle to young Timothy about people who have some form of godliness but deny the power thereof. This is to say, they uphold God’s fashion of fairness and impartiality toward the gender stratification concerns but at the same time try to twist these concerns in such a way as to restructure the framework of relationship between man and woman against the morally sound design *instituted* by God our Creator for healthy balance, whether in marriage or other modes of human association. Simply put, they want the rights afforded them by God but don’t want to submit themselves nor these rights to God the giver at ALL! Instead, they choose to interpret these privileges or rights in the ways that suit and soothe their lustful flesh and their fleshy lusts. This is why people like Madams Clinton, Obama and their celebrity cartel would display their defiance pose publicly while promoting reckless abortion via planned parenthood without husband or parental consent, divorce to astronomical proportions, lesbian and casual sex rights, restrained parental control among others, and getting allergic to the mention of God, Jesus Christ, Merry Christmas and Holy Ghost in the name of compliance to political correctness. These are the founders of feminism and they’re people who don’t FEAR GOD OR RESPECT HIS CHURCH! Follow what’s right always, no matter what. Remain blessed ever. SHALOM!!!

  11. Hi Lota,
    Very interesting take on feminism. There are different types of feminism just as there are different types of people. The ones taking it to the extreme are called “radical feminists”. We cannot all agree on the same issues, so pick and choose what suits you.

  12. I think that Lota mixes up the context of the statements made by Chimamanda. Largely, she (C.A. ) suggests that females (human) need to learn to define and embrace self properly before embarking on the much sought voyage of union(marriage)…

    If a lady understands the wholesome being that she is as a female distinct from the wholesome being that a male is (who is also by the way distinct from a female), she is on track to being a better being and great contributor to society as purposes can be sought clearly without myopic patriarchal/matriarchal sentiments which often pre-define and limit gender-objectives.

    This is needed by (mostly the) females, because the world is largely patriarchal. Helping a female to see herself as an independent being capable of a variety of aspirations, freed of prejudices against own gender, and equipping her to so act for establishment of self independent of ‘spousal’ aid is a great boost to any society’s development economically, psychologically, …

    The so called ‘feminism’ struggle IS same as there are struggles for the ‘Physically-Challenged persons’, among others. I am not here attempting to liken the struggles but just to show that that is what it is. Challenging the status quo is how we have the Samsung Galaxy Tab today, ‘feminists’, who to me are simply humans seeking for emancipation of one gender for the emancipation of all for sustainable living on earth, also challenge the status quo. This is healthy.

    The debate need not be on what limits are possible for one gender; but rather how can we keep enriching one another so humanity enlarges its horizon/s.

  13. This is infact an amazing article! The way some people take this feminism thing eeh, leaves you wondering sometimes. If you type feminism on Facebook now, millions of people com trolling. I am a bit traditional. I still believe a lot in some good men and having a respectable home. I infact did an article similar to this on http://Jessicahugoinspire.com, you should see it. Thanks a lot for sharing. Am glad to find someone who shares my view on this. Thank you!

  14. What happens when you become successful and have no man because of spending 20%of time on him? What happens when u spend 70%of time on him and end up with a mediocre career life while having a man who would end up cheating on you anyways. To each their own yea but you aren’t objective at all. That’s just me though.

  15. I don’t mistake you for a treacherous wowan at all because listening to you, I realize that you are a responsible kind who wants what is right for her and her mates. However, the problem with this issue here is the scope of meaning or simply put, “definition” of the concept “feminism”. This, believe me, boils down to the foundation of the concept/ideology and by extension, the personalities that founded it. Initially, looking at the popular principles of the feminist movement, one would see them as rational, fair and balanced, and even being backed somewhat by certain instances of Scripture (remember the daughters of Zelophehad in the book of Exodus). Unfortunately, when you look more closely at the orchestrations working behind the scenes and the character of persons engineering or endorsing them, then you begin to see the truth that it’s the case of the biblical warning in Ap.Paul’s epistle to young Timothy about people who have some form of godliness but deny the power thereof. This is to say, they uphold God’s fashion of fairness and impartiality toward the gender stratification concerns but at the same time try to twist these concerns in such a way as to restructure the framework of relationship between man and woman against the morally sound design *instituted* by God our Creator for healthy balance, whether in marriage or other modes of human association. Simply put, they want the rights afforded them by God but don’t want to submit themselves nor these rights to God the giver at ALL! Instead, they choose to interpret these privileges or rights in the ways that suit and soothe their lustful flesh and their fleshy lusts. This is why people like Madams Clinton, Obama and their celebrity cartel would display their defiance pose publicly while promoting reckless abortion via planned parenthood without husband or parental consent, divorce to astronomical proportions, lesbian and casual sex rights, restrained parental control among others, and getting allergic to the mention of God, Jesus Christ, Merry Christmas and Holy Ghost in the name of compliance to political correctness. These are the founders of feminism and they’re people who don’t FEAR GOD OR RESPECT HIS CHURCH! Follow what’s right always, no matter what. Remain blessed ever. SHALOM!!!

  16. Well nice post
    But truly you are entitled to your decisions
    Whether you like the truth chimanda says or not
    And moreover why would you aspire to be married alone
    But yet it’s ya choice

  17. Am a man and believe that women get same oppprtunities in life men get and not be respected.Gender equality is very important.
    However am at odds with the feminist movement for brainwashing women into thinking they are men.That its a competition and they must win.
    Men will never be women and women will never be men.God made one for the other.
    Every sex has its identity.Some women think to be powerful and heard you must do away with natural desire for a man attention(which is mutual by the way).But take a look at alot of female role models around,the Hillarys,the Angela Merkels etc.They have achieved alot but when you are sixty and retired,when you have conquered the world who are you there for and who is there for you in the end.
    As you mentioned I feel alot of these misconceptions about feminism are down to decades of hurt and abuse women have suffered because they put all their hurt and commitment in.But you cant give less commitment and expect full joy.But the womans situation is better than it was yesterday and keeps improving.
    And about your friends who are quick to lash at you for your views,dont be worried.Those who have once felt marginalised in a certain way suprisingly tend to force their views down the throats of others.

    Very good read!

  18. You are happy to let your husband the head of the home because the bible says so? It also says to execute adulterers and repeatedly supports the gang rape of women. I don’t think basing your feminism on the bible is a remotely good move. It is the least moral text in the history of literature

  19. y did she take her fathers name. is it dat her mum has got no surname. let her take dat. i agree with u my dear. dont disrupt d principles God has set in marriage. i am happy in my marriage cos my husband is d head of the home. he cant function without me though. cos am his neck.

  20. This whole article made me feel somehow. I get her point in nuancing feminism to make it more inclusive. But at the same time, I feel that her point is unfounded because of the complex nature of feminism, and the many strands of feminism that do exist that consider marriage and family as important and fundamental (look at African Gender Studies, Oyeronke Oyewumi). And the analysis that is missing from this article is where CNA is coming from in terms of why she says spend 20% of your time talking about men, or why should women take their husbands last name. That’s because she looking at the social construction of men and contrasting it to women. She is not saying, women don’t talk about men…but look at the fact that mean spend so little time talking about us. They tend to have conversations about other things, so why should we only talk about them. And also, look to the fact that men don’t take women’s last times..so why should? If we are all indeed equal, then these things out to be equally distributed. As many men should be talking about women as women talk about men and as many men should be taking women’s last times, as women take theirs.

  21. I think the whole aspiring to marriage “issue”, is not intended to bash women who want to get married and have children, at least that is not the interpretation I get. I think the problem with aspiring to marriage is when that is your goal in life. When you view marriage as the highest possible honor, or the best thing you can do in the world. I attended a university, briefly(I quickly transferred), where it was a running joke that girls there got a “MRS Degree”. In one of my conversations with a graduate from the program I was in, she told me that a lot of the girls in the program did not take it seriously. She explained that she never really had much competition because of this, but at the same time, there weren’t as many opportunities as there could have been, because professors,faculty etc knew that a lot of the girls were there until they got married. Or, even if they did finish, they had no real intention of going far with their degree because they wanted to be a “dutiful wife”-taking care of the home, having babies and all that. Therein lies the problem with aspiring to marriage, in my eyes. Having that be the focus, and main focus of your life-whether you have an education or not. I think it’s fine to WANT to get married, but to aspire to it? Aspiration implies a lot, to me at least. And if I had to make a list of aspirations, marriage wouldn’t even make the list. I aspire to affect change, to be a voice for the voiceless, change laws, to be happy, and to put positive energy back into the universe, love (and that doesn’t necessarily equate to marriage). Those are some things I aspire to do before I leave this earth. I guess compared to those, marriage seems so trivial. To each their own, as well…I’ve just seen the pitfalls of aspiring to marriage.

  22. Well. Chimamanda’s sort of feminism isn’t focused on equal opportunities so much as it is on removing any set borders on how women view themselves in society. A woman taking her husband’s last name won’t send children in Saudi to school, true, but the choice should still be hers. She very well might choose to take the last name, but her point is that it shouldn’t be a set rule, because genuinely, we’re born with different surnames. Why should I change mine to yours because we’re in love and legally committed to each other? It only makes some kind of sense in the Christian home, but I doubt Chimamanda is very Christian.
    All these practices and mindsets are seen as normal, but the choice still has to exist, for that woman who may not have an economic empire to protect but wants to maintain her last name, because she simply does.

  23. I had said I wouldn’t comment on any feminism talks again…. A lot of people seem to be missing the point and are just following chimamanda and her views blindly.

    I’m all for love and marriage and family the way God ordained it to be. I’m married with 3kids and I love being a family woman. I desired marriage and it happened. Thank God! But there’s my personal fulfillment in life too outside marriage and family that I’m not willing to let go of. Compromise yes for the sake of my kids and building my family but not totally let go off. So if for instance my husband is frustrating my efforts at achieving my personal goals by being abusive- physically, emotionally, mentally or psychologically. I won’t hesitate to take a long walk away from him and the marriage. I won’t sit there and wallow in self pity and lose myself in the name of marriage must work or he’s head.

    If after trying to make it work, it still doesn’t work, I’m off!!!

    If on the other hand, a man is the man the bible orders him to be, I will be the wife in all ways and more. Because I know that I will attain my personal goals.

    These women should stop attacking men that haven’t even done anything wrong and let them be men. Whether we like it or not, we cannot be equal to men. We should only know not to lose ourselves completely because of them. But a real man will always be head.

  24. Lota must you be a “feminist”?!? Simply follow your heart and while you’re on that journey take your head with you. Everything you said made complete sense the only part l don’t really get is trying too hard to be accept by the ” feminist ultras”! As for Chiamanda she should drop her surname and take up her mother’s maiden name! Her tolerance level is shitty and l think she is incorrigible.

  25. I share similar views with you. I agree with the equal rights and opportunities part but for many other views feminists put forward, I don’t understand. Some are downright absurd. The feminist tells you you are free to choose and turns around to tell you you are foolish for choosing to love and marry a man, or you’re wrong to see him as a head or you’re stupid for choosing to be a homemaker. See, I’m a believer in God and His Word, I’ve come to a realization that there’s no greater wisdom than his. People might misinterpret His Word but there is an understanding of human weaknesses and covering for it.
    Men are not the problem. Man made cultures are. Some feminists sound like they are perfect and have no faults. Just as there are bad men out there, there are also bad women. Societies that have embraced feminism have still no clue on how to succeed in male-female relationship. Divorce is more rampant than ever. Men and women are different with different strengths. We should be celebrating that instead of trying to create one all-purpose gender.

  26. Lota, by limiting myself to the context of your write-up, i totally agree with you … feminism is not about denying our needs as women , i have always understood it as a struggle to be recognised for our abilities and contributions to society…. A feminist can definitely aspire to marriage, once she is not selling short due to societal or other pressures …. Good job !!

  27. I’m not sure about the point this writer is trying to make. Chimamanda just stated her own opinion, like all feminists, and I doubt she thinks what she says will adhere to everyone. My advice is that if you want to discover the true feminist in you then study yourself and the way you react to certain issues. We live in a world where social media dominates and there are times where it’s best to let your voice be heard and others where you just have to shut up and carry on. I admit that sometimes it’s taken too far, but let that be them. Not you.

  28. There was definitely need for an evolution in the traditional roles, since women were no longer “home-makers” and now had to balance work and household. However I do agree that the meaning of the movement has been skewed to fit certain people’s agendas (negatively) We really shouldn’t have taken a movement meant to demand certain equalities and basic human rights for women in the workforce, to change it into one that removes the “to each his own” and puts a new formatted doll in it’s place. We’re now telling women how to treat their men, how much time to spend with them, whether or not to take their names…….We’re actually enslaving them and giving them less options!!!! How is that part of the feminist movement?

  29. I agree. Feminism these days is pregrant with a lot of buggage…which most often than not defies the main purpose for ‘bearing the tag’. Its as if there’s a handbook or a set of sacred rules you need to swear to live by. A woman should be whoever she wants to be, be treated fairly and feel like a human being. I often get the vibe that most people think feminism means the female gender is superior to their male counterparts. There’s a fine line between gender equality and sexism. Hopefully people will get to see the line soon.

  30. Very interesting write up Lota. I definitely align my views with yours. There’s really nothing wrong in being a feminist, but then, many of us tend to take it too far. Feminism is about choice. Freedom to choose what you want and the freedom to pursue it wholeheartedly. The thing is that nowadays, many ‘Feminists’ try to force down their notion of feminism down everybody’s throat – which in itself is contrary to the idea of feminism. Many feminists demand that ladies MUST desire and have a life apart from men. This is really where the issue is. I mean, what’s wrong if my only desire in this life is to have a beautiful marriage and a happy home? As long as it’s what I truly want, what’s the fuss? You may regard my desire as quite simplistic or unimaginative, but still, if I believe that’s what will make me happy, please by all means, let me be! I do believe in feminism, but not the kind that makes women with simple and traditional dreams feel less than they are. Like you said Lota, the principle of feminism is captured in these words ‘to each her own’.

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