Is It Love Or Lust? 4 Ways To Know For Sure

You need to walk through these steps for yourself and your partner


1. Are you emotionally connected?
You need to identify the source of your connection as that will determine whether it is facing the right direction-is it a union based on a mutual connection rooted at its core in a physical attraction or is it more of an emotional connection-chemistry not just physically but also emotionally and psychologically? These questions will enable you to determine the source of your connection and ultimately the time span that is probably underlying your connection

2. Do you solve problems physically or emotionally?
What I mean is are your problems based on a disagreement based on jealousy or underlying feelings of mistrust based on their personality? These are serious issues based on a lack of unity in your perspectives and your values. The problem here is that as long as the connection is based solely on physical chemistry there will be a constant friction in your unity because there is no emotional layer of respect that guarantees longevity to your relationship and hence it is akin to a house built on a seed of temporary feelings. Chemistry expires naturally when based solely on your physicality-but it becomes more developed into longevity where there is a deeper connection based on your emotional well being that can only be ascertained if it is reflected in your partner as well as through their personality-this is how you can identify and handle the source of your problems and how to root them out completely.

3. Is there development?
When it is love there is development because like relationships with family and true friends there is a strong connection to wish those you love the best. But if they are not wishing you the best because they walk round in circles based on their temperament; there is no room for improvement. Where you have tried to discuss and discern the source of your emotional unhappiness and your partner still shows disrespect permeated with temporary flashes of commitment, there is no development. You need to understand that lust shows itself through these modes of temporary commitment. Love is permanent. It does not judge-it grows. It does not hurt-it heals. So are you hurting or are you healing? That will determine whether this is a love-based commitment or a lust that has expired due to a lack of continuous effort and that was not meant to be permanent.

4. Is there commitment?

Finally, I will say this: is there commitment? Do you see commitment in actions and not words? I will advise you practice the art of listening with your eyes. Listening with your eyes means you listen to what they are showing you through their actions not what they are telling you through words that lack honest foundations. Commitment is reflected in respect, commitment is reflected in their presence not physically but also mentally-and this is love-love does not leave-lust does. So you need to re-evaluate the source of their actions and see if their words of assurance line up with actions that show commitment.

Q: What areas are you struggling with in defining if you are in love or in lust?
A: You need to walk through these steps for yourself and your partner and it will lead you to the answer-think of it this way-lust is ultimately temporary in nature while love is permanent. If their actions are always temporary and never permanent and vice versa then it is lust not love.

Written by Tolu Falode

Tolu Falode is a law graduate, a Christian, an author, a writer and speaker. She loves sharing stories from her heart to help others discover truth.

Tolu Falode discusses relationships, faith and destiny on:
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